greencrook:

greencrook:

greencrook:

There’s a very drunk man down my street who has been flirting with a tree for twenty minutes now.  

He’s on his knees now. I think he’s proposing. 

Drunk man currently walking away from the tree, shouting “YOU’RE ALL THE SAME”. 

2 days ago   124362    REBLOG

whimsicalspecks:

dr-ravenclaw-winchester-in-221b:

hopeyou-findthatswimmingpool:

I’m writing a modern version of Romeo and Juliet for english class and I’m making them dumb teenagers like they should be and I thought tumblr might appreciate some excerpts from my planning document

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Oh yeah and romeo’s going to be sulking about rosaline friendzoning him at the start

I’m really trying to emphasise the ‘stupid kids’ thing here

this is perfect

was that not literally the play

2 days ago   254588    REBLOG

wizardick:

alternatively if someone asks you what you did today just grimly look down at your hands and say “something I should have done a long time ago…”

2 days ago   25823    REBLOG
Anonymous:
What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.

2 days ago   159025    REBLOG

I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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2 days ago   259767    REBLOG

sonic-mockingjay-horcruxes:

this movie is a treasure to society

2 days ago   81432    REBLOG

the-plaid-princess:

When your pet adjusts their position so they can lay their head on you

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2 days ago   362296    REBLOG

slutzs:

just how i like em

2 days ago   74832    REBLOG

fifth-mayy:

'are you as bored as I am' can be read from back to front and still make sense

2 days ago   233286    REBLOG

galaatgatsbys:

Italian Renaissance masks are SO fucking beautiful.

2 days ago   12553    REBLOG